Happy Kitty Sewing: I can't stand my neighbor.   

Friday, June 7, 2013

I can't stand my neighbor.

One of my bedroom wall faces South towards the road, and my bedroom is on the end of the house so the other wall faces the neighbors house, no windows on the West side.  I have two windows on the South wall that I can hear everything the neighbors do.  We built our house first when they sold a bunch of property.  Then they moved in after we did. Our neighbor has a gas pump and other "Vintage Relics" in the yard that can be mistaken for a yard sale.  Right now as I look out my window there is a chair with a flower pot next to the world's smallest birdhouse.  It's just dumb.  So besides looking like Sanford and Son, this is why I really can't stand my neighbors:

My Mother, so kindly, gave the name of Porky to the Man of the house.  He lives with his Wife.  They had a cool dog named Duke that used to visit our house, but he got sick with big tumors, and I found out that he died a few months ago and they have a new dog.  Oh! The neighbors built a garage and shed a few summers ago...ugh which I will go into details about in a minute...and my dog shits there every day behind that bard-shed.  It's embarrassing, and everyone knows about it, but the  neighbors don't really say anything, so hopefully they don't care.

So, Porky leaves EVERY day at 4 am.  He has an F-250 or equivalent, and thinks that he must warm up his diesel for at least 5 minutes in the summer, and up to 30 minutes in the winter. I hate him for this fact solely.  Every morning his Wife comes out and yells something as he leaves.  He yells back, she cackles then yells, and he laughs and leaves.  HE HONKS THE HORN EVERY DAY.  I hate him for this too.

One day a few summers ago, he had some surgery and was outside at 5 am, because the pain meds made him a complete nutty bastard.  For some reason he had some dirt bike he was fixing, and he kept revving it OVER and OVEr.  RRRRgg.  RRRggg.  I was trying to get a few hours of sleep, and was out all night, and that is THE ONLY time my mother went over there and yelled at him to knock it off because there are people sleeping. haha.

Then a few summers ago, they decided to build that damn stupid barn-shed.  The only positive, is that they took a lot of that gas station memorabilia from the front yard, and decorated the bard-shed with it.  Those damn people got up at the Butt Crack of Dawn to nail that thing together.  I thought it would never end.  Do you think that they stopped on the weekends for a break?  Nope, not them.  But they only worked til like noon "before it got too hot for Porky".  Another summer, they built a bigger garage where they keep their junky old cars, so we don't have to see them in the front yard of their property anymore.

That damn house makes me go insane at least once a month.  I used to wake up in a rage and storm through the house, but I got yelled at and shut down for giving him a piece of my mind.  The only rule I have for living here, is that I am not allowed to "talk" to those neighbors.  Meaning I can't be honest and tell them how much they bug me, because my parents are non-confrontational, although they will stick up for themselves if provoked.

Two summers ago, they had an auction to sell some of the junk hoard they acquired (Thank the Lord!)  It was over 100 degrees out, and he had a Heat Stroke.  We live in the Country on 1+ acre lots.  He had it at HIS HOUSE!  This ridiculousness started at 9am and the auctioneer droned on for hours.  I knew it was going to be Hell and there wasn't anything on TV so I put my earplugs in and went to sleep.  Around 3pm, my kid comes in to tell me that Porky is dying and we have to call an ambulance.  They had over 100 people there and SO MANY cars pulled up in the front yard.  We had to tell the ambulance to pull up in my driveway.  Whenever These Things happen to me, I get a rush of excitement.  Emergency Personnel impressed the hell out of me.  My Adreneline goes so high that I start to laugh maniacally and people think I'm a freak and tell me to settle down and Go Away.  Thank God this doesn't happen at work when a person codes or something.  I get really focuses and scared and my stomach turns inside out, because I don't want the person to die.  Fortunately for the neighborhood, Porky survived and had no brain damage.  Could you even imagine if he did?

Our other neighbor is so cool.  They had a mini poodle named Bubby, which is the same name I called my Ex.  He was old and died, and they have a chihuahua.  Do they bark?  Nope.  And that's what I like.  When my daughter was younger, she went over there to hang out with "Audrey" who is the nicest *young* grandma-age neighbor you can ask for.  I wave to them when I pull out of the driveway.  They aren't intrusive and loud.

This is why I hope I come into a lot of money, so I can buy enough land not to have stupid neighbors.

PS: I would take pictures, but I don't want to start a war with them and I don't want to look like a Freak taking pictures of their house and crap. Plus it's very rude and invades their privacy. Obviously the heat is just really getting to me.