Coast to Coast via Google Maps

So Shane from Whispering Sweet Nothings, one of my favorite blogs, is taking your blog information and adding it to a Google Map so we can see what bloggers live near us.  You can see her post to add your info.  You can use your real city/town or use a town/city that is close by. If you don't want to add your info, at least go check out who lives in your area!  Thanks Shane!

Giveaways

I enter a lot of giveaways.  I like them, because who doesn't like free stuff?  Now, I don't enter ALL giveaways, but if it has anything to do with fabric or sewing supplies, I am definitely on that.  I'm lucky and I win a lot of giveaways.  A lot of bloggers do the monthly sponsor giveaway or giveaways every Friday, and some bloggers giveaway stuff for an entire week for their Birthday.  A lot of the time there are a lot of good prizes, like gift cards to Starbucks, Target, Shabby Apple (YAY!!), Sephora, and you name it, I've probably seen it.  I've won a $50 GC to Anthropologie and Shabbby Apple.  I've been filling out Shabby Apple giveaways like crazy, so I can win another one so I can buy the Heart of Me dress.  So beautiful :)  I've won over $100 last year in Starbucks GCs and $80 in Amazon GCs.  I also win a lot of cool stuff, like nail polish, fabric, sewing supplies, make up, an eyebrow kit, a spa kit, and other things I can't name of the top of my head.  And I am grateful.  I LOVE getting packages in the mail.  It always brightens my day.  I've also won a lot of store credit to some Etsy shops.

Let me tell you what a giveaway is NOT, in my opinion.  A giveaway is NOT a store credit for $10 for your Etsy shop when everything costs $15, and you have to pay for shipping.  The point of a giveaway is your generosity of giving something to another person.  If you cannot fully give something, then don't half-ass it.  There is nothing more annoying when you win something and have to pay for it.  Especially in a group giveaway when you don't have any control in what you win.  Now, don't get me wrong, I love to win handmade gifts, and I have gotten a lot of cool things.  But I didn't enter a giveaway to pay $5 everything I win something.  I have about 6 store credits in my "Contests" folder in my email box, waiting around, until I find something I really like, or have the extra money to splurge on my "winning".

For example, I won a $10 store credit to an Etsy shop.  Well, they only sell 3 different items.  One item I could buy for $8, but it is for a baby.  I don't have a baby, or know any girl babies.  The other item is something I don't like.  Then they have a bag I could get for $15, but then I would be getting a bag for around $8.  I know I sound like Scrooge, but I don't have $8 to spend on a bag I wouldn't buy for any money in "Real Life".  I wouldn't buy that bag for $8 if I was shopping for a bag.  I would buy a $2 store bag from what ever store I was in.  I hate it, because I sound so rude, but it's my reality.

Another thing that gets to me is the person that doesn't mail or email your prize for over a month from when the giveaway was.  I hate begging for my free winnin's!  I feel so cheap and it feels so degrading!! Oh, by the way, can you give me my free shit? UGH!!  Another thing I HATE, is when I have to beg my winnings and it never comes.  DO NOT have a give away if you can not follow through or have the means to give away what you made a promise to give.  I won one of those bubble necklaces from a well known fashion blog, and NEVER received it.  Every so often I go through the magic folder to see if I have received everything I won.  She did note in her original email that it may be a few weeks before I receive my necklace, because they were on back order.  So after a month, I got in touch with her and asked her what the status was.  She said she just mailed it out.  So after a week, I emailed her again, and told her I still haven't received it.  She emailed me back, and said it was delivered to "my house" the day after I emailed her the first time.  I responded and asked her what address she sent it to.  She didn't respond.  I sent out a second email Just In Case she didn't get the first one, and no response.  I hope this doesn't happen to anyone else.  There was a million giveaways for those necklaces that I never won ALL summer.  I was really ticked off about that!!!

I'm done ranting ;)  I wanted to post a ton of pictures today, but my iphone isn't working.  I have to take it to a dealer and see what's going on with it.  Thank God I have good insurance on it!  I hope everyone has a lovely Saturday night.  I think I'm taking it easy tonight.

Happy Belated New Year!

I've read a lot of Resolutions this year from my blog friends.  I've read a lot of single words that will describe this year.  I don't plan on doing either one.  I know, I'm such a rebel, right?

I find that I can't do a single resolution.  I basically want to do 50 to change all the negative things in my life, and find it impossible to carry through.  Duh, I know. 

What I'm going to do is focus is on is following through with commitments with people.  The other one is creating my blog.  I pass up the chance to write about the things I care about, but I procrastinate, and I'm not going to let myself do that anymore!

So Happy New Year and I hope everyone is looking forward to 2013 as much as me!  I'm really going to do my best to make it the best year I've ever had.  So this is my short post before I post all the wonderful busy things I've been doing in the last couple weeks!

Can you do the QUICKEST favor you will ever do, pretty please?! Super easy, no sign ups, and you just click a button.  Super easy and fast.

Will you please vote for my favorite blogger, Joanna Haughton, from ModaMama?! 

  She is participating in the "Top 25 Fashion and Beauty Mom Blogs". Her blog is so awesome, she deserves #1 in MY opinion.  Last month, she created Dressember-Dress/December, and every day she wore a different beautiful dress and posted on her blog.  I am so jealous of her wardrobe!  She also has some really cute hairstyle tutorials on YouTube.  See why she deserves this?!

  I seriously posted this link of facebook, twitter, pinterest, instagram, tumblr, and my last one is here in my blog.  I really appreciate it! All you have to do is click on the link, and you will see the Vote button in the middle of the page.  Then go check out her blog if you haven't already!

The Magic Link: http://www.circleofmoms.com/blogger/modamama?blogroll_id=86

Behind

I am SO behind in life.

I won some awesome ad space, and haven't set it up yet.

My email hates me.

And there's no reason for it really.

I'm making a commitment to being more active.

No excuses ;)

Two In Diapers: $75 Shabby Apple Giftcard Giveaway!

Two In Diapers: $75 Shabby Apple Giftcard Giveaway!:

I love Shabby Apple SO much, and I'm not going to rest until I WIN my Heart of Me dress!!! I already have a $50 credit and you really can't do much with that.  Fingers Crossed!!

'via Blog this'

My phone

I FINALLY got my new phone and I freaking love it!!!! I feel like I've really been missing out. I feel like I've discovered a whole new world!!

The ONLY negative thing about my new phone is that I'm VERY used to swype and I haven't figured out how to install it yet. It's totally different from my Samsung Galaxy I got 2 years ago. I don't like Apple products, but I love this phone.

Dear iPhone 5,
Thank you for being born, so I can get a free iphone 4.

Sincerely,
Karrie

I don't have Siri, but that's ok bc I don't like to be told what to do :)
The only difference between my phone and the other phones in this class of phones, is that I have less memory and a lower quality of camera. Everything else is identical! I have 8 GB compared to 16/32 GB. Those two phones include the infamous Siri. The other difference is my camera is a 5 MP mp compared to 10 MP. I am a happy consumer...as soon as I figure out swype. I am posting this on my phone right now. I could not do this easily on my old phone.

I got the white one and I am in love with her (bc it's obviously a girl!) I'm laying in bed not looking so pretty I'm the morning so I will not be using the new camera that I absolutely love. Trust me on this one!

I hope you lovelies have a wonderful weekend. It really feels like fall. Last year it went from hot-as-hell to frozen frost land with bitter cold winds in like 3 days. I was pretty sad about it. So I'm really loving it!

MIA

I have totally been MIA for a month.  I've been working really hard on filling out nursing applications!!!  So far I haven't heard anything back, but it's only been about week, and that's kinda normal.  I've been playing The Sims on facebook between apps, and have kinda been wasting all my free time on that.  So I'm going to start spending a little more time on my blog this month.

I'm SUPER excited for tomorrow!  Since the iphone 5 just came out, they are having a sale for the iphone 4.  I'm getting the free version, which has a lower quality camera and sans Siri, but I'm ok with that.  I don't like people telling me what to do anyway :)  I got the white one, and I'm SO excited to be able to post pics to my blog.

October is one of my favorite months (after May).  Halloween (again, one of my favorite "holidays") is going to be on a Wednesday this year.  I had a dream it was going to be 70 degree out, so I'm excited to see if I'm psychic.  Last year I bought a fox costume from Party City.  I'm short, 5ft exactly!, so it didn't look really slutty on me.  Do you guys remember Tails?  He was Sonic the hedgehog's bff?  That is kinda what I want to look like.  The costume is awesome because it has a HUGE fluffy tail that you pin to the back so it sticks up.  The color is a weird orange color, but the tail is super cute.  It has a hood with ears.  Last year I found a pair of orange tights at Target that goes pretty well with the color of the dress.  The belly is white, and I remember having to fix the bodice so my goods weren't exposed.  I got a pair of black go-go boots that look cute, and I drew a black little nose on my face.  I'm SOOO excited to wear it.

....did I mention that I have gone trick or treating my entire life except for last year and 13 years ago?  I have a 16 year old, so I have always dressed up and have taken her over her dad's sister's sub to go trick or treating with her dad (sometimes), her Nana (his mom), and her cousins (two girls, one boy-all younger), with me and my mom.  The "grown ups" minus me, would walk around the neighbor hood and stay on the sidewalk while the kids went door to door.  It's a pretty nice, newer, subdivision.  The houses are worth 200-300K.  The year before, I could tell the candy distribution was kinda skimpy compared to the years before...damn recession.  But yeah, I would usually dress up in a sheep costume my sister had made in high school for something, which was a jogging suit turned inside out, with this cute sheep head mask that covered my face.  It also had a bell that I took off after the first year.  And I would get candy as well.  I figured since I was A) five feet tall B) still look like a teen and C) doing physical activity, then I might as well cash in for the goods.  I would let the kids trade me for any candy, except my Reese cups.  Usually I would end up with a million of those, because the kids didn't like them very much. Score!! It was so much fun.  I hope that my daughter will want to go this year, I know she is NOT going to be like me, and will continue going after she is 18.  In fact, she usually wimps out with the youngest cousins, and me and her cousin L will keep going until the lights go off, which is about 8pm here.

We also live a half block away from The Pumpkin Factory, which I will definitely post pics of this week.  They sell pumpkins, some really old masks and Halloween supplies, and super expensive (but delicious) apple cider and donuts.  My daughter visited this past weekend, and the cider that cost $3/gallon last year is $6/gallon this year.  They said the "apple blossoms" were effected this year...I'm not sure if she meant by the heat or the drought...but I guess it doesn't matter, the price is still the same.  I'm so excited to show you what they have to make you smile!

Have you ever been without your phone?  Or more specifically your smartphone?  I'm dying.

It's my fault for not trying harder to get a job.  Now I'm wading through these agency jobs and mess of home care jobs, and I can't work at those right now.

Anything that I love, I go to the extreme.  I love books.  I don't have a lot of money, so I shop Salvation Army or a few yard sales and buy 20 books for 20 bucks, instead of a few.  At the library, I can't decide, and end up with 2 bags of books.  WHO reads 30 books FOR FUN in 3 weeks?  Ok, well, I know I can, but I usually don't end up doing that.  I end up reading half...then end up owing $50 of shame, because I am embarrassed to take back 30 books after being late for a week...then the guilt drives me crazy until I take all those unread books back to where they belong.  Most likely, I will recheck them out in the future...

...I don't have my phone...The side is broken from using more than one charger.  Did you know that can happen? Like I'm supposed to take my phone charger everywhere with me to charge my phone.  I just found out, that your battery can die and become impossible to deal with, if you don't charge your phone the right way.  What makes sense is to plug your phone in at night, charge it while you're sleeping, and wake up refreshed with a cell phone with a full battery.  Not quite.  You know that annoying beep that happens when the battery is charged?  That's when it wants to be off the chain.  The battery becomes abused in some way from being "over-charged" or plugged in too long.  So those two things have broke down my phone.

I live in between Detroit and Ann Arbor, Michigan.  ANOTHER cop in West Bloomfield (which is supposed to be a ritzy part of Michigan), was shot and killed.  A man with 4 young kids.  At this moment they are tearing apart a mansion with a bulldozer to get the gunman out to take him to jail.  What the hell goes through people's mind to justify this?  What makes you think you can take a gun and threaten someone's life?  This is the same town where the Grandmother killed her grandson that was supposed to be on K-2.  Maybe something is in the water.  To me, it's just unbelievable that I share the world with people like this.

***EDIT: I guess I was wrong.  He was the first fatality in West Bloomfield.  There is also a city called BLoomfield (obviously to the east), that I know that officers have been killed.  Last week, a man of 4 kids was found in his driveway shot and killed, no one even looked outside because gun shots are the norm.  Guess what city that is?!   Lovely, Detroit.  You can only guess how many deaths I see on the news everyday being a part of Metro Detroit, in Wayne County.  I actually live closer to Washtenaw county, thank God.  THIS weekend, the one of Mayor Bing's 20 assigned unmarked police cars was stolen in front of his mansion.  I think it's more probable that the world will end, before Detroit gets cleaned up.

Wow.  That last one a was a little intense :)  But I'm glad I got it off my chest....

Today is Labor Day, one of those non-descript holidays, the last before the leaves start to change color and you can see your breath in the early and late hours.  Most of the time, especially now, we don't do much.  I have had only one set of Grandparents since I've been born, and my Grandpa passed in 2007.  We don't gather there like we used to.  So I don't have much on my plate for today, just a normal Monday for me.  I wish I had pictures to post, but I'm still without a phone....perhaps this week, I'll get my new one.  Time will only tell!!

I miss her

I haven't been writing a lot.  I'm okay with that.

After two years, I still get this horrible stabbing, sharp pain that squeezes my heart, and I remember I can't tell my sister whatever it was that popped into my mind, that I wanted to tell her.  I didn't do grief counseling afterwards, because I was getting treatment for my addiction to opiates...mostly pain pills.  But once in a while, I will get a flashback, to the early morning when my sister finally came home for the last time.  It was really fucked up.  The entire thing.  I can't even describe the different kinds of pain and hurt and torments that her cancer did to me and my family.  We are a close family.  We don't always mesh well, but my parents love us very much, and are the type to stay with you, or make sure there is someone with you at ALL times if you are in the hospital.  I've been in the hospital 3 times.  The first was for the birth of my daughter.  That's a WHOLE other story, I'll save for another time.  The 2nd time, was for a really stupid move on my part when I tried to take my life...again, I'll save for another time.  I was really dumb and young.  And the last time, was when I was in nursing school.  I'll just say that there was fluid around my heart, and I had pneumonia.  Again, another story, but I'll probably never have the nerve to tell you about it.  We'll see.

The worst feeling I've ever had was when she came home.  I actually broke out in hives and had a really bad reaction to something, the night she came home. I thought I was giving birth to the devil and almost passed out on the toilet for a few minutes, dripping in sweat... (probably TMI for you, but sometimes I write just for me)  I was fine a few hours later.

The next morning I was awake really early in the morning, like 4 or 5 a.m.  She woke up, kinda moaning in pain, which was normal for her, and her fiance woke up to see what she needed.  She was so little in her hospital bed. I freaked out at My Life in the Moment...  I went into the kitchen and broke down into a paralyzed fetal position.  I was screaming silently, my eyes wide open with tears streaming down my face.  It was such a surreal moment.  Life is Fucked..played over and over and over in my mind, as I pounded my fist into the floor without trying to make any noise, while my other fist was shoved in my mouth to keep the scream from coming out...It was only for a few seconds, but so much adrenalin and other weird hormones were released.  I never want to go through that moment again...I imagine it's the same feeling you get if you are told your husband/kids are killed in a car accident. or some other horrible tragedy that was totally unexpected.  What can you do with that?  How do people go on with their lives, and laugh the next week, when they are living life again, and I'm trapped in this surreal bubble that feels like I'm running out of air at ALL TIMES?!  That was one of the messed up things about it.

 Look, I really like the F word.  i say it all the time.  Well, not in front of children or strangers or things like that.  Mostly when I'm talking to my friends, or driving in the car.  I feel weird not writing it.  But since, it can be offensive, I'll try to limit my cursing.  But really...sometimes the only word that works to fit the situation is Fuck.  Like the time when I met everyone up at the hospital around 10 am.  Her nurses, Oncology Dr. and his NP, some other attendings and the DR on her case.  My dad's face was red, and everyone was there a few minutes early, so when I walked in the room, I already knew what was happening.  The Doc's were looking at the floor or the ceiling, or any other focal point except into our eyes...My sister had tears running down her face, and her voice was raspy and she said "there's nothing else they can do." I was so f*ing mad.  More mad at these people than I've ever been mad at anyone in my life.  I remember throwing my bag onto the floor to slide it against the chairs/wall/window where my parents were sitting.  My dad starting to break down in tears.  I just looked at the doctor's in this rage and said "this is F*ed up".  Then I started to have a panic attack.  And this is a panic attack...not an anxiety attack.  I sucked in all the air in the room and wasn't able to get it out.  I was dizzy and numb and went into the bathroom in some kind of panicky rage.  I heard my mom tell the doctors that I have anxiety attacks...but this was different from the rage and hurt that was flooding my brain.  I wanted to beat the shit out of the wall.  Then I sorta slumped down and cried and took a deep breath, and held this all in so I could be strong for my sister, so she wasn't scared.  This whole moment that took 20 seconds or so, has so many different emotions that I felt, it took 5 minutes to write.  I held it ALL in.  I made the numb stone face and went back into the room to glare at the incompetent doctors who couldn't fix my sister.  Then someone spoke up and said there was some last thing they were hoping to do.  I can't remember what happened, but she wasn't finished with her fight then. It's really early in the morning when I write this.  I have horrible insomnia at night, and I sleep during the day.  I hate it.

But, I took my pain pills to kill the pain that was in my heart all the time, because I felt that I could focus that way...It was a total cop out.  But that's what I did.  That is how I got through situations like that.  Situations, like the one where I was on the floor,  are drilled as a secret memory in my brain, because I try to push it down and down until it becomes so small, like a seed.  and then when my racing mind stumbles on that thought, it's like opening a birthday card with something that pop's out at you...It's like that, and the torment, rage, and pain opens up again as you stumble against that memory.  It's probably some kind of post-traumatic flash back, but it's so real.  And it's like a VERY sparse landmine field.  Imagine 50 acres that you are walking on for weeks, then you step on one of those babies and it blows up in your face without warning...That seed is usually hidden really well.  It only comes up every 6 or so months.  Then I have a moment like this.  I never have written it down before.  Maybe this will help.  Journal through the pain.

I know she's in a better place.  I imagine that she's an angel (her name IS Angela-but only call her Angie), and she has a slight blue hue, and she is smiling and looking more peaceful that she has ever been, and she's wearing a flowing gown with small wings.  That's what I want.  I try to put all my faith and belief in God, that is what happens when our spirit leaves this realm.  But I'm not going to go there.  But that's what get's me through it.

There can be nothing worse than the feeling of losing your child...I know how painful it is for a sibling, but can't even imagine that pain for a parent.  I feel for everyone that has a major loss in their lives.  Sorry this post is sporatic...I'm just writing it out, without trying to be perfect, but trying to make sense to the reader.  I need a lot of practice.